By Laura V. Zviovich, MA, LPC, NCC | WPC
The Coronavirus outbreak has been an exercise in compartmentalization. Individuals take on different roles throughout the day, whether as an employee, parent, boss, or spouse, and when faced with a stay-at-home edict, a dilemma emerges for many. They must take on all these roles, often simultaneously, under one roof.
The transformation of our daily routines has required major adjustments in how people entertain themselves, co-live with others, and transform their homes into multi-role spaces, where they can thrive personally, professionally, and as family units. Working parents have been hit the hardest having to navigate their work schedules and those of their children – who are likely taking online classes at home – simultaneously.
This outbreak has raised a major question for many in the mental health community: How has the average person’s well-being been affected?
People’s lives have been put on pause, vastly affecting multiple aspects of their well-being and interpersonal relations. The uncertainty of what lies ahead has led people to suffer in several ways.
Many therapists, including myself, have noticed similar patterns of distress steadily rise among our patients as a result of facing isolation, juggling multiple roles, and experiencing abrupt life changes, loss of income, and job uncertainty. We have noticed similar patterns emerge in the following areas:
Physical distress: fatigue, body aches and tension, changes in appetite, irregular sleeping.
Emotional distress: feeling overwhelmed, worried, sad, angry, nervous, fearful, and lonely. These feelings can then turn into anxiety, depression, panic, and isolation.
Distorted thinking: catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, all-or-nothing thinking patterns, and over-generalizations.
Behavioral changes: increase in impulsive behaviors, lashing out at partners and loved ones, tendency to eat and drink excessively and/or at irregular times, and emergence and re-emergence of addictive patterns of behavior.
This pandemic has brought about a sudden change in our lives, which has led to varied emotional responses, all of which are valid and take time to deal with. With my own patients, I have observed that their reactions to these changes have mirrored the five stages of grief, with them first experiencing denial, then cycling through feelings of anger, bargaining and depression, until ultimately, they accept their situation.
As Albert Einstein said, “in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” In a similar vein, psychiatrist Viktor Frankl wrote, “when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Amidst this outbreak, and our emotional responses to it, it is important for us to find proper coping mechanisms, for our own sake, and for the sake of those we are stuck at home with.
How do we cope?
First and foremost – I often tell this to my own patients – pause, take a deep breath, feel, think… pause again, talk… then, and only then, act. This is especially important when managing work from home!
Remember… Pause, Then Act:
Positive thinking. Defy and question your unhealthy thinking patterns. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones that boost your self-worth and self-esteem rather than diminish it.
Adapt to your new environment. Differentiate work hours, limit a space in the house to work, set clear rules with family members about when it is okay for them to interrupt you. For example, you can put traffic light colors signs on your door to let family members know whether you are available.
Utilize coping skills such as taking a deep breath, reading, journaling, listening to music, gardening, cooking, meditating, enjoying nature, or going for a run or walk.
Set boundaries for yourself, your employees, your co-workers, and your family.
Establish a routine for yourself and your family but be flexible. Schedule exercise time and breaks throughout the day, schedule a quiet time for you and your family. Do not overbook activities, meetings, lectures, webinars, and classes.
Take care of yourself. Take advantage of opportunities to unwind when they arise.
Have a plan. Following recommendations eases anxiety; but be aware that since we are living in an uncertain time, plans will need to be modified. While it is important to stay informed on the world at large, it can be anxiety-inducing spending all your time watching negative news.
Exercise empathy. You are most likely struggling, but understand other people have their own struggles, often under different circumstances.
No. Learn to say “No.” At times like these, it is important to do what we can to have family time be family time and work time be work time. Try your best to compartmentalize your roles and not upset your work-life balance.
Acknowledge your emotions and validate them.
Communicate with others in an assertive way, reach out to your loved ones, and maintain your social life – with social distancing of course.
Train, train, and then train some more. Train your brain and learn a new skill. Train your body and exercise your exercise regularly. Train your heart and exercise empathy.
We are going through a global unprecedented experience. Not everyone has the privilege of turning the pandemic into something positive or very productive. If you feel that you are just surviving, you are doing just fine.
Be safe. Be compassionate. Be patient. Be forgiving.